Lynne's Story

As someone who struggles with ADHD, I also have a constant battle in my mind thanks to RSD – Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

At the first sign of perceived “rejection” (which can range anywhere from my husband not being in the mood, to a boss giving me a one-word response) I immediately regress into an emotional flashback.

I am unsure if the trigger that started the RSD episode also started the flashback, or if the feelings of helplessness & rejection that the RSD causes, in turn trigger the flashback.

Either way, because of the hair-trigger attached to this condition, I find myself in emotional flashback several times daily.

Last night, I tried to trace the flashback to its origin point – or, at least ONE of them – by trying to remember a time in childhood that I felt as rejected and unloved as I feel in the moment.

Here is the memory that surfaced.

I think I was about 7 years old, no more than 8. I had a long-standing battle with wetting the bed. Wetting the bed in an abusive household is almost never met with kindness. It’s just one more thing for the parents to have to deal with.

I’d wet the bed the night before and tried to hide it by drying my nightgown with a hair dryer. It dried the cloth, sure. but the smell remained.

When I went out to the living room, I sat on the sofa beside my father and went in for a hug, but instead was met with a 20-minute diatribe about how badly I stunk and how he couldn’t stand to be around me.